I am nervous.  I can admit that.  When I am about to try something new or take on a challenge, I get that way.  I don’t always feel that way, or if I do I usually get over it quick.  I hate to make big decisions in life when I know it may affect people around me and I truly care for who it may affect.  So what to do?

There is growth in me, and a few things I rather not touch.  When it comes to say my personal life, I try to sway away from certain feelings because it’s not developed yet.  I guess when things seems it’s going to get dirty, I like to stay blameless.  That goes for family, relationships and career wise.  When I do something I like to own it.  If I fail at something I choose to do, I own it.  I think I have grasped the technique of adapting and adapt very well as I may say.  I study people.  When you see me not smiling, I which I don’t normally do, I am in deep study mode.  I am reading body language, I am photographing you in angles, I am decoding your every structure and I am waiting.  It’s cool to wait, they do say having patience is a good trait to have.  Well trust me I wait and I wait.  So in that effect I get nervous and anxious.

Nervous because I know what I want to do but don’t know after what I do what will be the outcome.  But then I get anxious because I want to do it.  I like the mystery I like the challenge, I love action.  I live for action words.  I am very much a doers than a feeler.  Are you an action person or are you a feeling type of person?

So in a few weeks I am going to make some very big decisions and it might change my life from how it is going right now.  I have lived fearlessly through sacrificing things I love just to evolve from where I was.  This feelings reminds me of my younger self.  I always this obedient young lad living in Jamaica, until after a ton of nervous feelings and anxious thoughts, I decided to create an action.  I needed to change, I needed to be better, I need to learn myself more.

There are a few things I been needing to learn and set my focus on.  Some will say it’s too late to be learning these things, because they see age as a limit factor in their lives, I am ready to surpass a few limits I set before myself.  Change is necessary for growth.  I want to grow.

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Thanks for reading into my thoughts,
Rik 🙂
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